“On the Jack”

Post #8: Ends, Etiquette & Elbows – The Unwritten Rules of the Green

Bowls is a game of centimetres, centuries of tradition, and — let us be honest — a few customs conventions that all seasoned players mysteriously “just know.” Today, dear reader, we delve into the sacred, strange, and occasionally silly Code of the Green.

1. Thou Shalt Not Step on the Line of Delivery

This is Lawn Bowls Rule #0. Right up there with breathing. Step on someone’s line or eye line, and the collective gasp from rink side could register on a seismograph.
You may survive the match, but your biscuits might be quietly ignored at tea. two players

2. Respect the Bowls – Even the Wobblers

Whether a perfect draw or a wobbly wonder that somehow kisses the jack, every bowl deserves a respectful nod. Never laugh aloud (unless you are the skip and it is your own bowl).
The bowls have ears, and they remember.

3. Know When to Clap – and When to Grit Your Teeth

There is a precise moment in bowls where you must begin clapping about 1.4 seconds after it becomes clear the bowl is not awful. Early clapping is a risk (jinxes), late clapping is rude (you saw it but did not support it), and not clapping at all? You monster.…with clenched jaw.

4. Tea Break = Tactical Debrief

The halfway tea break is sacred. It is where teams bond, offer gentle advice, and review which biscuit offers the best crunch-to-dunk ratio. It is also when everyone suddenly becomes an expert meteorologist and psychologist.

5. The Secret Language of Bowlers

A seasoned bowler can communicate an entire tactical philosophy with a grunt, a gesture, or a vague “Yeah… nice.” Let us decode a few common phrases:

Phrase What it actually means

“Not bad!” “It’s not good, but it’s closer than your last.”

“Good weight!” “Wrong line, but at least it got there.”

“Unlucky!” “That was dreadful, but I still like you.”

“Hold it… hold it… HOLD IT!” “Please don’t wreck the head.”

6. Rink-side Characters You will Always Meet

• The Rules Lawyer: Knows the rulebook backwards. Brings it to friendlies. Probably laminated.

• The Tactician: Will advise from four rinks away. Usually wrong.

• The Whisperer: Somehow never shouts, but everyone hears them. Probably a ninja.

• The Encourager: Claps everything. Even short bowls. Especially short bowls.

Your Questions Answered: Etiquette Edition

Q: Is it okay to bring my dog to the green?

A: As long as it does not chase the jack and can resist sausage rolls, it is more than okay. Bonus points if it wears a club shirt.

Q: Can I wear black headwear while bowling?

A: You could. But do you want a committee meeting about it? Do you really?

Final End

Bowls is more than just woods on grass — it is a symphony of strategy, sportsmanship, and subtle social cues. Mastering the unwritten rules might not win you the game, but it will win you respect — and worth that last ginger nut in the biscuit tin.

Keep it classy, keep it clever, and above all… keep it “On the Jack.”

This week on the Green

Alan Paterson, Press Officer – Club News and Activities.

Marine Gardens Bowling Club, report w/ending Sunday, 8th June 2025.

Following a series of defeats, the club returned to winning form with an away victory over Tarring Priory in a Brodie Tray league match. Securing eight points from a 3-1 rink triumph (70-55), the team demonstrated resilience and skill.

Top Rink Honours were claimed by Bob Hurst, Bob Cole, and skip James Albon, who delivered an impressive 21-8 scoreline. Special mention goes to John Sadler, Duncan Gayler, and Jenny Ashman, who narrowly missed achieving a Hot Shot by a single shot—an admirable feat.

On Thursday, club members enjoyed an outing to Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium, where excellent food and a lively atmosphere made for a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Special thanks to our social secretary, Wendy Wilson, for organizing yet another outstanding event.

A friendly match against Arundel saw the club narrowly miss victory, with a 3-1 rink defeat (67-61). Despite the outcome, Bob Cole once again featured in the Top Rink, alongside Lesley McMurdie, Les Gritten, and skip Tim Baldwin. Their 25-15 victory was hard-earned, as Arundel mounted a spirited comeback, winning the final five ends.

Unfortunately, President's Day fell victim to poor weather forecasts, concluding a relatively quiet week in terms of Inter-Club competition, the postponed event will take place on Saturday, 30th August 2025.